The analogue anti-Hindu

There is a certain type of Indian, who wakes from their torpor-inducing desk job at the end of the day, grabs an alcoholic drink, and spends an evening ridiculing ____________ (fill up with Indian custom or belief of your choice).

Are you offended by this stereotype? Suck it up, then, for there’s more coming.

I’ll call this type of Indian the analogue anti-Hindu, since they claim themselves to be the exact opposite of the Internet Hindu.
This bunch has internalized their self-hate so thoroughly that one of them decided to secede from the Indian Union. One particularly uncouth specimen wrote a few hundred words wondering if she really was her parent’s child.  Children have been slapped and asked to wash out their mouth for far less.
They share a few characteritics, these desi faux-liberals. They dislike India, desi engineers and Hindu beliefs, in that order.
Some people drink. Some people don’t. Some people are vegetarian. Many aren’t. But nobody makes such a fetish of their drinking or of their meat-eating as the upper-caste Indian liberal.

There was a certain type in your high-school and college, the type that considered itself posh and let off secret snickers at the ‘dehati’s – people from small-town or lower-middle-class backgrounds. Their loudest snickers were reserved for when the dehatis actually tried to use English in conversation or tried something different in clothes. I disliked the buggers then and I dislike them now.

How can you spot these people:
– They’ll be the ones loudly complaining about paan-chewing and waxing eloquent about the virtues of cigars in the same breath
– They’re the folks that order steaks only when white people are at the table, with an expression of guilt, like the guy who farts in a closed room.
– They’ll be the folks making private jokes about other people’s English

I had meant to make this a longer post, but then I figured I’d never have the sting that Malcolm X did, God bless his soul!

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